Do you have any really brave people in your life? Not explorers or daredevils but people who make brave decisions about their life & the lives of those they love? Who just go with their guts.
Someone very close to me has fought a battle for 25 years, although the last two years have finally been beating it I am in no way under the impression that the battle is over. On a daily basis they stay the course, do the work, dodge the relapse and so far so good. They’ve got a place of their own after 12 months in a residential rehab started a uni course (after never completing year eight!) and today made one of the most brave choices ever.
It’s not my story to tell so I won’t tell it here, in the past there have been discussions about this person's story being co-opted by another close person and its not cool at all.
I needed to get it down somewhere, that I am scared for my close person, that this decision is one of the most dangerous things they have ever done. But that I know why they’ve done it and I that I am so very very proud that they are trying proud that they are brave enough to even try.
I may not be one of them brave people yet but one day I think I could be.
xxpt
Tuesday, 4 August 2015
Wednesday, 22 July 2015
Stresssssed
So today was a bit cruddy. Not super duper bad but overall it was just not a very nice guy to know, you know? And I think it was really just me not anything outside my head. I mean on paper everything seemed to balance out..
I was a bit late to the bus stop this morning
But
the bus turned up right away and I got a seat and there was hardly any traffic
Which meant
I had enough time to get a coffee at the uni (no lines as its the holidays)
But
The lid on the coffee just would not fit on properly so it spilt all over my gloves and stockings (bright green opaques highlight black coffee stains really well- who knew?)
My morning was derailed by a new employee, half my day was spent showing him the ropes
But
I think he's going to work out really well, he seems process driven and has a good local manager & HE BOUGHT RED VELVET CUPCAKES!!
I butted heads with one of the implementation people in our company it is an ongoing thing and he refuses to listen to any suggestions at all & I had another staff member call and vent at me for 10 minutes about the person who sits next to me while I could not say anything back.
So
One of the other girls and I went to the pub for lunch we ate risottos and pastas with lots of salt and cheese then wandered back to work to face the rest of the day.
I made it home later than usual but the kitchen was clean thanks to TC and I knew I hd to shake it off I ran a bath poured a bowl of wine whacked on a new face mask from Lush and sank in for 90 mins (I know because I was able to watch 2 eps of Doctor Who on iView)
It looked a lot like this
Bangers and Mash with onion gravy another wine and a cuddle with the little turd of a cat should round off the day well.
The sad is still lurking but I have good things & people in my life and great things to look forward to. Me the fam and some of our best mates are all meeting up for a long weekend out west at a friend's pub. A road trip, with big sky, old friends and the promise of fires and marshmallows hugs and a four days away from work sound like a great remedy.
How do you shake off the sads? Are you a bath person? Or a wine person? Or even a big sky person?
xxpt
I was a bit late to the bus stop this morning
But
the bus turned up right away and I got a seat and there was hardly any traffic
Which meant
I had enough time to get a coffee at the uni (no lines as its the holidays)
But
The lid on the coffee just would not fit on properly so it spilt all over my gloves and stockings (bright green opaques highlight black coffee stains really well- who knew?)
My morning was derailed by a new employee, half my day was spent showing him the ropes
But
I think he's going to work out really well, he seems process driven and has a good local manager & HE BOUGHT RED VELVET CUPCAKES!!
I butted heads with one of the implementation people in our company it is an ongoing thing and he refuses to listen to any suggestions at all & I had another staff member call and vent at me for 10 minutes about the person who sits next to me while I could not say anything back.
So
One of the other girls and I went to the pub for lunch we ate risottos and pastas with lots of salt and cheese then wandered back to work to face the rest of the day.
I made it home later than usual but the kitchen was clean thanks to TC and I knew I hd to shake it off I ran a bath poured a bowl of wine whacked on a new face mask from Lush and sank in for 90 mins (I know because I was able to watch 2 eps of Doctor Who on iView)
Bangers and Mash with onion gravy another wine and a cuddle with the little turd of a cat should round off the day well.
The sad is still lurking but I have good things & people in my life and great things to look forward to. Me the fam and some of our best mates are all meeting up for a long weekend out west at a friend's pub. A road trip, with big sky, old friends and the promise of fires and marshmallows hugs and a four days away from work sound like a great remedy.
How do you shake off the sads? Are you a bath person? Or a wine person? Or even a big sky person?
xxpt
Friday, 29 May 2015
So two weeks in, how am I doing?
So as I written my last post I'm on holiday, in the past two weeks I have managed to achieve the below:
Knitted half a cardigan for myself & 3/4's of a baby gift
hemmed a skirt for TC
went to Flemington Markets for the first time and flirted up a storm with the vendors, I'm a total goose for never going there before for real, its so much closer than I had in my head and it was so much fun
cleaned & reorganised my fabric stash
done the same for the bathroom cupboard
watched TC in an amazing school production with my family
visited my Great Aunt out on the outskirts of Sydney
given away my beautiful but totally wasted mint condition orange nana trolley.
attended yoga a grand total of four times (and my body is sore!)
cooked up an absolute storm soups casseroles roasts and cake
picked up 2 pay it forward bags
slept in for a whole day
been for wanders in chinatown,
walked Blackwattle bay what a stunning place Sydney is right?!
been to the White Rabbit gallery with a girlfriend and the cutest little guy in the world! (have you been? its a great little gallery in Chippendale that has dumplings!)
had a 2 hour bath in the middle of the day
started and am LOVING my new book The Signature of Everything
I have also drunk many pots of tea, cuddled the cat, eaten toast and sat in the sunshine or watched the rain, done the floors and the washing and the floors again and more washing and then quite often yelled at the cat.
That sounds like heaps right? Not really, there are some days where I talk myself out of doing things.. does everyone do this? Distract myself for so long that I miss the timeframe to make the yoga class/catch the bus/see that movie or catch up with that mate who is down in Sydney for only a couple of days (albeit on the other side f the city). For example, I decided that today is the sewing day, I hemmed a skirt yesterday for TC but there are dresses to turn into skirts, others that need repairing and pants that need replacement zippers and re hemming - jeans especially as I bought them 3 years ago and still can't wear them! Not to mention the many fabrics that are now nicely organised but not actually being used!
But I just can't get moving.... is it that I don't want to finish things as I don't like endings or fear that the results will be a bit shit and I'd rather fail by not completing than fail by not being any good? Is this the reason I have currently reading 6 books? Knitting/crocheting 6 different projects, most of which I have or will redo at least 3 times? Is this why I have 6 metres or pristine navy liquid silk that i got for my 21st birthday that I still have not decided on a pattern? That's almost 20 freaking years PT!
So today the plan is -
hem them jeans
fix my drinking dress
finish my cardigan!
make pumpkin bread & a lime syrup cake (I am STILL using up the lime juice from the beer a month ago!)
finish my Kinky Friedman book so I can pass it on.
*and as always the washing
Oh! and tonight is the annual hooray for everyone AFL game, I really hope it stops raining
Also to get lost in the hole that is the internet in the search for the perfect dress for that navy silk....because I finally joined pinterest yesterday and probably yell at the cat again xxpt
Knitted half a cardigan for myself & 3/4's of a baby gift
hemmed a skirt for TC
went to Flemington Markets for the first time and flirted up a storm with the vendors, I'm a total goose for never going there before for real, its so much closer than I had in my head and it was so much fun
cleaned & reorganised my fabric stash
done the same for the bathroom cupboard
watched TC in an amazing school production with my family
visited my Great Aunt out on the outskirts of Sydney
given away my beautiful but totally wasted mint condition orange nana trolley.
attended yoga a grand total of four times (and my body is sore!)
cooked up an absolute storm soups casseroles roasts and cake
picked up 2 pay it forward bags
slept in for a whole day
been for wanders in chinatown,
walked Blackwattle bay what a stunning place Sydney is right?!
been to the White Rabbit gallery with a girlfriend and the cutest little guy in the world! (have you been? its a great little gallery in Chippendale that has dumplings!)
had a 2 hour bath in the middle of the day
started and am LOVING my new book The Signature of Everything
I have also drunk many pots of tea, cuddled the cat, eaten toast and sat in the sunshine or watched the rain, done the floors and the washing and the floors again and more washing and then quite often yelled at the cat.
That sounds like heaps right? Not really, there are some days where I talk myself out of doing things.. does everyone do this? Distract myself for so long that I miss the timeframe to make the yoga class/catch the bus/see that movie or catch up with that mate who is down in Sydney for only a couple of days (albeit on the other side f the city). For example, I decided that today is the sewing day, I hemmed a skirt yesterday for TC but there are dresses to turn into skirts, others that need repairing and pants that need replacement zippers and re hemming - jeans especially as I bought them 3 years ago and still can't wear them! Not to mention the many fabrics that are now nicely organised but not actually being used!
But I just can't get moving.... is it that I don't want to finish things as I don't like endings or fear that the results will be a bit shit and I'd rather fail by not completing than fail by not being any good? Is this the reason I have currently reading 6 books? Knitting/crocheting 6 different projects, most of which I have or will redo at least 3 times? Is this why I have 6 metres or pristine navy liquid silk that i got for my 21st birthday that I still have not decided on a pattern? That's almost 20 freaking years PT!
So today the plan is -
hem them jeans
fix my drinking dress
finish my cardigan!
make pumpkin bread & a lime syrup cake (I am STILL using up the lime juice from the beer a month ago!)
finish my Kinky Friedman book so I can pass it on.
*and as always the washing
Oh! and tonight is the annual hooray for everyone AFL game, I really hope it stops raining
Also to get lost in the hole that is the internet in the search for the perfect dress for that navy silk....because I finally joined pinterest yesterday and probably yell at the cat again xxpt
Tuesday, 19 May 2015
A Stay-batical totally a thing I'm doing
At 3.30 on Friday I went on leave for a whole month! YUSSS! I’ve gots me a plan…. & I already started! I did a new thing & I’m going to get back to old things I loved and then stopped & meet up with friends I haven’t had time to catch up with in ages, proper catchups, Galleries and Gardens & I’m going to go through my cupboards to clear out the mess too.
It been a long time coming and I plan to have a wonderful holiday in the city I love and already live in. Thats right for nearly all of it Imma staying right here in Sydney. I realised that I have lived here for like 12 years and there are heaps of places that I have never even been to yet, like Parramatta or Cabramatta I've never been to any of the MATTA'S!! So I’m going and I’m also going to head up to the Central Coast for a day too & try to catch the train to the mountains for a day as well. I should say head to Manly but fuck that place I hate it.
And I've signed up to a month of yoga at a studio in Newtown super close and after my first class yesterday my body feels so good. My body feels like its been used as it should be, my muscles remembered the patterns and I felt my breath move through my body. God seriously why did I ever stop classes? So for the next 30 days I aim to get to at least 3 classes a week with as many restorative classes as I can too.
I’ve joined Stonesoup blog’s & Jules provides rad tasty whole food recipes that are simple and a huge part of her philosophy is being organised! Super rad to get on top of that stuff right? Roasting vegies and pre-cooking things like quinoa to add to soups and meals for later in the week. I spent the weekend getting ready for the next fortnight by cooking up a batch of lovely lentils and am currently eating a big bowl with bacon roast veg and a boiled egg. I could really get used to this type of eating and if I’m actually serious it takes bugger all time i just have to work out how to get the rest of the family onto it too they look at me dubiously… But for real check it out...
So yesterday (official day 1 of holidays) ::
I had a lovely breakfast with the morning show on 702 that I never get to listen to at work
Cleaned out the Vitamin/medicine cabinet (some had expired 2 years ago!)
Started The Signature of All Things by Elizabeth Gilbert (I think I’m going to love this book) with a coffee in the sun
Got a free ride on the bus to a new yoga studio & joined a class concentrating on back bends (my fave!)
Had a lovely pho at Great Aunty 3’s and walked home in the misty rain
Made plans with 3 separate friends for meet ups next week and had a big chat with my bestie in Auckland.
More cups of tea, dyed TC’s hair for the school musical
made dinner and at the same time made chicken broth for lunch today!
shower and the new episode of Game of Thrones
The plan for today is ::
Lie in (DONE!)
Breakfast and blog post (whilst whacking on the washing) (obvs)
Clean out the big brown box… - Anyone want mint condition Chenille bedspreads?
organise the tupperware
clear out the bathroom drawer
Make Rick Stein’s Ham hock and fresh pea soup
pick up a free bag and drop off a birthday present for a lovely 6 year old.
er not quite as exciting I know but still I’m just as excited about today as I was about yesterday, clearing the space physically will help with clearing the internal space too.
xxpt
Saturday, 9 May 2015
A few short letters of correspondence from the last month....
Dear....
...Brain CancerFuck you, how dare you grow in my friends head. How dare you regrow to a larger size after you were cut out and blasted with radiation. But you know what Brain cancer? She's on a new trial in Germany now and its going to wipe you out. She's going to come home with her man and have babies and live the life she had planned.
...Secret admirer
So the letter was lovely just keep working on your spelling, the follow up lolly pop though? Winner you really have been watching me!
...Sydney Swans
It'd be real nice if you won some more games OK? Also if you have any sway with the weather less rain on game day would be nice too.
...child next door
So I guess you've taken up the trumpet or some other brass instrument huh? t.o.p.s.....
...Tree Clearing man
Mate you are a gem, I'm sorry your machine broke but I'm glad that you could come on Monday and clear out our back yard I can't go out there but at least it looks like my backyard again
...pink salt tea light holders
please stop weeping!!! I will buy more tea lights tomorrow just give it a rest eh? puddles of salt water are not great for the furniture!
...child next door
Seriously though have you heard about stamp collecting? Or reading? Or sitting very very still? It's totally just as fun as the trumpet I promise.
...month long holidays
hurry up, please please please hurry up! I am so ready for you to get here and give me a break from the daily grind.
...parents of child next door
Watch out people my kid is getting a harmonica as a gift on a week or two. GameON
...Tasmania
Get ready Imma coming your way! WOO
xxpt
Tuesday, 21 April 2015
Weather, we gots it
Howdy peeps just quickly I thought I'd write to say that the weather be crazy in these parts today.
Our beautiful jacaranda tree is now only a 3rd of the size it was yesterday. Luckily it didn't hit the house nor any of the fences which was so lucky. I was talking to MrPt pointing out the small branch that fell, went to have a shower and when I came back this.. (forgive the dodgy iPhone pic)
Note that the tree covers our whole backyard! side to side & back fence to almost the patio... It was also the branch that MrPt tied the hops to, hard times people.
Also lucky is that we rent, to be honest I was relieved to just be able to call the real estate to let them know about the tree and to organise the removal after the weather calms down.
I hope everyone is safe and hit me up if you need any firewood!
xxpt
Our beautiful jacaranda tree is now only a 3rd of the size it was yesterday. Luckily it didn't hit the house nor any of the fences which was so lucky. I was talking to MrPt pointing out the small branch that fell, went to have a shower and when I came back this.. (forgive the dodgy iPhone pic)
Note that the tree covers our whole backyard! side to side & back fence to almost the patio... It was also the branch that MrPt tied the hops to, hard times people.
Also lucky is that we rent, to be honest I was relieved to just be able to call the real estate to let them know about the tree and to organise the removal after the weather calms down.
I hope everyone is safe and hit me up if you need any firewood!
xxpt
Monday, 20 April 2015
Taking Stock - April
I've been reading Pip's blog for years, she seems so lovely doesn't she? I'm pretty sure that she is that nice in the outside world too. Anyway she has this great list that is at first look pretty daunting but here we go...
Making : knitted baby cardigans mostly the Gidday from Ravelry all in one go and its super cute too
Cooking : Pork Roasts I'm perfecting the art of crackling
Drinking : G & T with gin I blended myself at Archie Rose Distillery - it is such a great place too great staff, sexy room and amazingly boozy drinks a most excellent date place
Reading: Spanking Watson by Kinky Freidman - I found it on the footpath the other week, its a good bus book I love the way he has slang names for everything
Wanting: the easter eggs to never run out, I am dangerously close to eating the last of mine and everyone else is finished theirs already.
Looking: forward to tomorrow
Playing: with my new laptop :D hopefully this means that I may keep doing this blog thing
Deciding: what to do on my month off Can.Not.Wait
Wishing: that my kid no longer had blue hair cos I would like it back quite frankly
Enjoying: the new series of Game of Thrones!
Waiting: for more episodes of Game of Thrones
Liking: the crisper mornings and cooler nights
Wondering: where I can get all of my candle jars refilled, that must be a thing right? It seems silly to have them as a one time only thing
Loving: That football season is back
Pondering: how some crimes are seen as horrific and others not so much
Considering: still... I'll come back to this
Buying: a new Macbook Air! I need to do more research on how to actually use it but it's a bit sexy. And Cardigans!
Watching: aside from Game of Thrones MrPt and I are loving Bloodline, such great performances and beautifully shot
Hoping: That I wake up rested, I am tired all the time
Marvelling: at the forms & photos my cousin found of my great grandparents when they first came to Australia
Cringing: at the remarks made about Hilary Clinton announcing her run for POTUS Needing: to learn to use this Mac thing Questioning: so many things that are written Smelling: my workmates Marc Jacobs perfume it is so pretty on her
Wearing: Currently? Star wars pj pants and a Kylie tour singlet. Overall though cardigans and pencil skirts with brogues - completely Audrey Horne
Following: Roxanne Gay on twitter, not sure I agree with everything she says but some of it is interesting and she's funny too
Noticing: The change in the leaves inn the park on my way to work
Knowing: That change is a-coming
Thinking: That I need to start working full time hours and I'm not really looking forward to it
Admiring: My brother, facing his challenges & forging a new life, knowing that he is lonely but trying hard to build a life and becoming stronger and clearer everyday
Sorting: out my make up drawer (perhaps that's Should be Sorting as I have not yet technically started?)
Getting: my first ever veggie co-op box I love it and the little group for the people is really sweet, hopefully there will be recipe swaps and tips to come.
Bookmarking: cardigan patterns to knit I really want to make a big snuggly one for myself Coveting: skin with no pimples & large freezers
Disliking: angst at work
Opening: emails from friends who are coming to visit
Giggling: at Mayim Blalik on the Big Bang Theory Amy Fairer Fowler is the greatest! Feeling: twingey in my back again, I think a trip to the Chiro is on the cards
Snacking: on left over easter eggs
Wishing: that the 31 women killed so far this year by their partners were still here Helping: Future Pete! Stocking up on soups and stews and extras in the freezer ready for some very busy weeks ahead.
Hearing: My daughter talk non-stop about her Demi Lovato concert on the weekend. To say that she loved it is such an understatement.
hmm that wasn't so bad after all xxpt
Making : knitted baby cardigans mostly the Gidday from Ravelry all in one go and its super cute too
Cooking : Pork Roasts I'm perfecting the art of crackling
Drinking : G & T with gin I blended myself at Archie Rose Distillery - it is such a great place too great staff, sexy room and amazingly boozy drinks a most excellent date place
Reading: Spanking Watson by Kinky Freidman - I found it on the footpath the other week, its a good bus book I love the way he has slang names for everything
Wanting: the easter eggs to never run out, I am dangerously close to eating the last of mine and everyone else is finished theirs already.
Looking: forward to tomorrow
Playing: with my new laptop :D hopefully this means that I may keep doing this blog thing
Deciding: what to do on my month off Can.Not.Wait
Wishing: that my kid no longer had blue hair cos I would like it back quite frankly
Enjoying: the new series of Game of Thrones!
Waiting: for more episodes of Game of Thrones
Liking: the crisper mornings and cooler nights
Wondering: where I can get all of my candle jars refilled, that must be a thing right? It seems silly to have them as a one time only thing
Loving: That football season is back
Pondering: how some crimes are seen as horrific and others not so much
Considering: still... I'll come back to this
Buying: a new Macbook Air! I need to do more research on how to actually use it but it's a bit sexy. And Cardigans!
Watching: aside from Game of Thrones MrPt and I are loving Bloodline, such great performances and beautifully shot
Hoping: That I wake up rested, I am tired all the time
Marvelling: at the forms & photos my cousin found of my great grandparents when they first came to Australia
Cringing: at the remarks made about Hilary Clinton announcing her run for POTUS Needing: to learn to use this Mac thing Questioning: so many things that are written Smelling: my workmates Marc Jacobs perfume it is so pretty on her
Wearing: Currently? Star wars pj pants and a Kylie tour singlet. Overall though cardigans and pencil skirts with brogues - completely Audrey Horne
Following: Roxanne Gay on twitter, not sure I agree with everything she says but some of it is interesting and she's funny too
Noticing: The change in the leaves inn the park on my way to work
Knowing: That change is a-coming
Thinking: That I need to start working full time hours and I'm not really looking forward to it
Admiring: My brother, facing his challenges & forging a new life, knowing that he is lonely but trying hard to build a life and becoming stronger and clearer everyday
Sorting: out my make up drawer (perhaps that's Should be Sorting as I have not yet technically started?)
Getting: my first ever veggie co-op box I love it and the little group for the people is really sweet, hopefully there will be recipe swaps and tips to come. Bookmarking: cardigan patterns to knit I really want to make a big snuggly one for myself Coveting: skin with no pimples & large freezers
Disliking: angst at work
Opening: emails from friends who are coming to visit
Giggling: at Mayim Blalik on the Big Bang Theory Amy Fairer Fowler is the greatest! Feeling: twingey in my back again, I think a trip to the Chiro is on the cards
Snacking: on left over easter eggs
Wishing: that the 31 women killed so far this year by their partners were still here Helping: Future Pete! Stocking up on soups and stews and extras in the freezer ready for some very busy weeks ahead.
Hearing: My daughter talk non-stop about her Demi Lovato concert on the weekend. To say that she loved it is such an understatement.
hmm that wasn't so bad after all xxpt
Tuesday, 14 April 2015
So I really suck at this right?
Er so I guess that I really am not a great blog person at all....
I think that perhaps I'm not really even a writer as such. Many things have happened since I was writing 2 years ago..
My kid is now 16!!
We moved house again
There were illnesses and a death in our family
My cat died
We opened a new business born of passion
We got a new cat
We went overseas for the first time is ages and fell in love with Asia
Our new cat escaped and was hit by a car
Within a week there was a new kitten and INDOOR kitten
Work ramped up for both MrPt and I
Kid had a super rough year and changed all of her peer group a couple of times
Many babies were made and borned to people other than myself (WIN)
Kid turned 15 got a nose ring
My brother got clean for the first time since he was 11
As a result I now have a relationship with him for the first time in many years
Kid got hot pink then orange hair
People other than MrPt and I got engaged/married/divorced
Kid got blue then aqua hair
My kid is now 16!!
Kid now has purple/aqua hair
Current cat is still living
Business is thriving both at the proper job and the passion project
There were also many dinners with friends a couple of weekends away, family Christmases that were at least tolerable. Kitchen and balcony dance parties new cocktails made and drunk, food and bars and gigs aplenty and I cannot wait for more of it.
xxpt
I think that perhaps I'm not really even a writer as such. Many things have happened since I was writing 2 years ago..
My kid is now 16!!
We moved house again
There were illnesses and a death in our family
My cat died
We opened a new business born of passion
We got a new cat
We went overseas for the first time is ages and fell in love with Asia
Our new cat escaped and was hit by a car
Within a week there was a new kitten and INDOOR kitten
Work ramped up for both MrPt and I
Kid had a super rough year and changed all of her peer group a couple of times
Many babies were made and borned to people other than myself (WIN)
Kid turned 15 got a nose ring
My brother got clean for the first time since he was 11
As a result I now have a relationship with him for the first time in many years
Kid got hot pink then orange hair
People other than MrPt and I got engaged/married/divorced
Kid got blue then aqua hair
My kid is now 16!!
Kid now has purple/aqua hair
Current cat is still living
Business is thriving both at the proper job and the passion project
There were also many dinners with friends a couple of weekends away, family Christmases that were at least tolerable. Kitchen and balcony dance parties new cocktails made and drunk, food and bars and gigs aplenty and I cannot wait for more of it.
xxpt
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