Dear....
...Brain Cancer
Fuck you, how dare you grow in my friends head. How dare you regrow to a larger size after you were cut out and blasted with radiation. But you know what Brain cancer? She's on a new trial in Germany now and its going to wipe you out. She's going to come home with her man and have babies and live the life she had planned.
...Secret admirer
So the letter was lovely just keep working on your spelling, the follow up lolly pop though? Winner you really have been watching me!
...Sydney Swans
It'd be real nice if you won some more games OK? Also if you have any sway with the weather less rain on game day would be nice too.
...child next door
So I guess you've taken up the trumpet or some other brass instrument huh? t.o.p.s.....
...Tree Clearing man
Mate you are a gem, I'm sorry your machine broke but I'm glad that you could come on Monday and clear out our back yard I can't go out there but at least it looks like my backyard again
...pink salt tea light holders
please stop weeping!!! I will buy more tea lights tomorrow just give it a rest eh? puddles of salt water are not great for the furniture!
...child next door
Seriously though have you heard about stamp collecting? Or reading? Or sitting very very still? It's totally just as fun as the trumpet I promise.
...month long holidays
hurry up, please please please hurry up! I am so ready for you to get here and give me a break from the daily grind.
...parents of child next door
Watch out people my kid is getting a harmonica as a gift on a week or two. GameON
...Tasmania
Get ready Imma coming your way! WOO
xxpt
Dear lady Police Officer and male Ambulance Officers in the Coffee Shop,
You three are aceballs! Thanks for doing hard jobs and it was really nice to see you all smiling and chatty. Also Ambo guys, I love your coveralls any chance you could swing me a pair? Size small?
xxpt
Dear Coffee dudes at Alchemy Coffee,
Thank you for the coffee from heaven, I’m sorry I left my Keep-Cup at work yesterday and I do feel bad that because I have a long black coffee you need to give me 2 cups so I don’t burn my hand, next time I’ll show you that I have a cozy to go around my cup and you can keep your extra one!
xxpt
Dear Seat-mate on the L23,
I saw how much space was on the other side of you, you did not need all bar 7 inches of the chair. I think it was pretty rude but honestly you could, most likely smell my coffee of heaven so perhaps envy overrode your good humour. Next time though smile and wiggle over so that maybe I could have read my book too.
Thanks! pt
Dear French Campos Man I normally get my coffee from,
Sorry dude but I had very little sleep and I couldn’t wait. Please don’t think that it is over between us, you will still be my regular coffee guy, your accent is just as sweet as your coffee!
xxpt
Dear Laughing Workmen at the Uni
The fact that one of you nearly rolled around on the grass laughing really was nice to see. I hope your joke was of the savoury kind, but if not then I am glad that it tickled you so much. You brightened up my day!
xxpt
Dear Co-worker
Go home you are obviously ill and coughing everywhere in the office will make me sick too. Not sure if you know but I have a wedding to go to on Friday and even more importantly Thursday is MY BIRTHDAY - DO NOT MAKE ME SICK ON MY BIRTHDAY!!!
xxpt
PS. For fucks sake cover your mouth when you cough, its gross.
PPS. tights still not pants, I know you are trying to make them into pants but you are failing
Dear Panel Beaters across the road from my house
You have a very conscientious employee, did you know? He (and I say he as I have never seen a female in your shop) started work at 5:15am this morning!! I know that starting work at the allotted and legal time does not enable you to witness this so I am only too happy to help out. Banging on metal pipes and using and axle grinders are ALMOST as restful to wake up to as a songbird.
Please pass on my appreciation to your valued employee
xxpt
Dear Curry from last night I made up as I went along
You Rocked last night! Looking forward to meeting you for lunch again soon.
yours in anticipation
pt
Dear pillow
Lets hang out this afternoon yeah? I bet we could have a sneaky hour or so without anyone noticing.
xxpt
Hey how you doing? After our little run in yesterday, I thought I’d just drop you a line, I’m pt but you may remember me as the rather panicked looking pink haired woman in the other white station wagon on the roundabout yesterday? The one with P plates on? The one that SPUN AROUND NEARLY 180 DEGREES WHEN YOU CUT IN FRONT OF HER IN THE RAIN!?!?!
But maybe no because after seeing that I was already entering the roundabout you accelerated and then you did hold up your hand to the side of your face in effect putting blinkers on thus rendering me invisible! Now I will admit you discovered one of my Super Hero secret power desires, I would be a bit of a dud Super Hero if I tried to be invisible in a massive white commodore station wagon with my head lights on wouldn’t I?
Was it that you did not see that I had my P plates on? The red ones, you may not have seen then from behind your improvised hand blinker but they were there, do you know WHY they are there? It’s to let everyone on the road, not just the coppers know that I am an inexperienced driver! I went to the trouble to display them but it’s a two way street mate you need to take notice and perhaps give a little bit of extra love to the P platers out on the road.
Why I hear you ask? Because we aren’t all young hoons with a death wish playing bad R&B* at deafening levels some of us are 35 year olds who have overcome a fear of driving & has been on the road for less than 12 months. We can drive enough to pass a test administered by one of the trolls from the RTA but we’re new at this stuff...
So even though where you had to go was so very very important I hope that next time we meet you will obey the road rules and maybe even be a bit more aware of the not so experienced drivers out there on the roads too.
I’m so glad we had this little exchange,
Happy Motoring xxpt
*In my opinion all R&B after Marvin Gaye died is bad YES ALL!!
